In My Journal on
July 10, 2012

Our Engagement Story & Relationship Tips

We are clearly the coolest couple ever.

Chris and I have been together for over 7 years. We first started dating on February 19th, 2005 when I was 15 years old and he was 17 (he turned 18 less then a week after we started dating). Since I look so young (I just have one of those faces) people always assume a much bigger age difference. 

Often people ask us how we have lasted together so long in hopes of getting the perfect answer that will help their relationship. So, I’ll share what Chris and I think makes us work well together. Note, this is just my personal opinion. Not all relationships are the same. If what you are doing works for you, go for it. 

We were so young when Chris and I met. Not many “adults” believed high school relationships would work past high school yet Chris and I did. There is no way to force a couple to grow up together rather then grow apart but we think it has to do with each of us having the same values, even though we didn’t realize it at the time we started dating. Both of us wanted companionship and children at an early age (if we were “rich” we’d want children now) and agreed on what we didn’t and do want to do for our kids, we value the same qualities, and agree on how our finances should be run. Religion is also a very important topic as it effects how you raise your children. Obviously we aren’t having children now but I think the fact that we wanted those same things helped us stay together. Sometimes people change their mind about these kind of issues, so you don’t have to dismiss someone if you don’t agree from the get go, but if after some time (Maybe a year or two? It depends) neither of you are willing to compromise about those values then that may be a red flag for things you may fight about and later on break up over. 

I think our main “secret” though is that we full heartedly believe that communication and compromise are a requirement.

When we have a fight (We do fight, everyone does), we don’t just “let it go” for the sake of stopping the fight. After we’ve calmed down, we try to explain our feelings. I’m a pretty passionate person so when we fight I usually end up crying (In the frustrated way, not the sad way) so that makes communication a little difficult but Chris is used to my passion and gives me time to explain my thoughts and I to him as well. We usually dissect what happened and decide what to do next time that certain situation arises again and if necessary (more often then not) we come up with a compromise so that one partner isn’t doing more then the other. Sometimes an issue can be fixed in 10 minutes and other times it takes a few days. If you notice you fight about the same thing over and over again at different times then you aren’t accurately resolving the issues. 

Relationships are a give and take. They take time. Everyone fights at some point so don’t be concerned if you do. It took Chris and me a few months, almost a year, before we had our first big fight. 

Chris and I got engaged in November of 2010 and naturally (We are so normal!) we posted a video shortly after explaining how he popped the question. It was funny all right! I posted the video above since I realized I didn’t have a blog at the time and it has no post here. Note that I don’t have access to that YouTube account though, so all questions should be posed here rather then on video comments. 

One thing about the video that I know I shouldn’t have done is invade Chris’ privacy and trust by going into his accounts when I thought I was wrong. In this case I was looking for validation over something exciting that I had assumed was happening for a few months, so I went a little nuts. But in all seriousness, it is inevitable that you learn all of your partner’s account information when you are together for some time. That doesn’t mean you should use that information. 

I’ve had some friends tell me that they sign onto their boyfriend’s or spouse’s accounts all the time to check who they are talking to on Facebook, etc. That isn’t honest and it hurts the relationship. Spying on someone because you don’t trust them usually leads to more dishonesty, in my personal opinion. I’m very happy that other then the occasion in this video, I have never invaded Chris’ trust by going into his separate accounts.

The last tip that I would like to briefly discuss is the importance of going out on dates. The longer you are with someone the more things become habit and you end up “hanging out” rather then “going out”. Date night keeps things fresh. Make sure you don’t go on the same dates over and over again though! Then you are just in a different rut. This is something Chris and I are still working on.

To sum:

  1. Having similar values or being willing to work with your partner’s values.
  2. Communication
  3. Compromise
  4. Trust
  5. Date Nights

Of course there is much more to a relationship then these five things but these are what stuck out to me when thinking about Chris and I. Share your relationship advice in the comments!

Kindness is the best accessory,

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  • Tina

    I enjoyed this post and video so much! You two seem so wonderful together. I think my favorite part of the video is “I have a confession” when the two of you are going back and forth telling the story, it made me laugh it was hilarious!

    July 11, 2012 at 7:05 am Reply
    • rebeccakelsey

      Thanks so much Tina! We’re really lucky.

      Kindness is the best accessory,

      July 11, 2012 at 8:49 am Reply
  • maria

    I’ve been engaged for about 2.5 months and all I can say is, we had never fought like this, not as harsh. My fiancee and I have always been intense and complicated. He is sometimes childish, stubborn and arrogant… 15 days after our engagement we got into a huge fight and a very nasty situation, but it didn’t last more than 1 day. Now, we’ve been “emotionally separated” for about 2.5 weeks! We’ve seen eachother and all, but still, he’s very cold and arrogant. He logged into my FB account and read some messages an ex and I had been sending eachother. Nothing too serious, I wanted him to keep in touch. He felt betrayed and barely talks to me. I’ve asked him many times if he really wants to get married and he says: yes. He says he needs some time to heal…but he’s isolated from him and barely sends and sms to see if I’m alive. I think he’s too harsh but I still try to give him space to think….
    I’m really sad and anxious. But I love him enough to work this out…

    If any of you have some advice for me, I’d really appreciate it.

    July 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm Reply
    • rebeccakelsey

      Hi Maria! I’m sorry to hear you guys are in a rough patch. Why did the fighting start in the first place? Maybe he just feels insecure that you would be talking to someone you’ve had a past with. Keeping in touch with this guy may hurt your relationship, even if it is innocent. I know I would feel horrible if my fiance were speaking to someone he has been with in the past because I would feel like I was being compared to someone else. He may just need your reassurances that no one in the world could compare to your future husband. Why did he sign into your Facebook? Was there something or a situation that made him lose trust?

      Hope all is well,

      August 3, 2012 at 9:33 am Reply
  • Bianca Contreras

    I really like your engagement story. You both seem very genuine and positive. I wish you the best :)

    August 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm Reply
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