In Motherhood, My Journal on
November 20, 2016

It’s 6 AM on a Sunday and I’m Writing This

Parenting a newborn

The thing I’m coming to learn about parenting is that it does take up all your time, does often require a village, and that it’s totally worth it when your baby smiles for you.

But I’m also trying to accept my shift in identity, and the emotional grief I’ve experienced with that, because it is not something I anticipated. Logically, everyone knows that having a child changes you. You know that your priorities have to shift. What I didn’t comprehend was how deep it went. Until you feel it, I don’t think most people can understand how profoundly your entire being changes.

I did not know that my husband and I would have to coordinate who watches the baby and when, just so that we can each have a small break for 10-30 minutes. I did not know that when you get those spare minutes to yourself you have to do the adult thing and change the kitty litter, pay the bills, and walk your dog rather than take a moment to read or write. I didn’t know that we would need to take turns eating and showering because when they said a newborn needs constant attention they meant CONSTANT. If your baby wakes up from his nap and you aren’t there, he’ll venomously let you know.

And that has been tough. That shift from “me” to “we” and then “three”. I would like to write in my blog at a time other than 6 AM but that’s when I saw the opportunity, right after breastfeeding, while the rest of the world is still asleep around me. And boy am I enjoying this silence.

But he makes the painful identity shift worth it.

 

Because even with my manuscript untouched for weeks, my NaNoWriMo plans down the drain, and my house messier than I’ve ever seen it – I have a little boy that I’m going to help shape into a wonderful man. Someone like my husband who’ll see me upset and stressed and sacrifice his break so that I’ll be able to take a walk. I’ll help shape a man that is slow to anger, easy to talk to, someone who is loving and kind. He’ll then one day find that special person that makes him feel at home no matter where he is, just like his parents have.

It’s taking a little getting used too, and honestly many tears, but this shift is welcome. I can’t wait to see where the rest of my years on Earth with Jack Douglas Cortes leads me.

PS Even though the first draft was written at 6 AM, it too me until 7 PM that night to edit and upload it. That #MomLife, got to love it.

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10 Comments

  • Maria
    Twitter:

    I too felt so emotional!!! This is to the T on how it is to have a newborn, all worth it❤️ Just think that at any moment he will sleep through the night and you and your husband will be back to romancing and being able to do your writting 😘 Hang in there momma bear!

    November 21, 2016 at 7:18 am Reply
  • Ann
    Twitter:

    Beautiful and honest writing from the heart. I’m glad to have the privilege to wend my way here. Life is full of surprises, twists, turns, and yes, the amazing miracle of new beings. Rebecca, your little one is very fortunate to have such loving parents, who are obviously very much in love. A great foundation for family.

    May you and hubby grow old together and one day enjoy grand-tots to lend a hand with, either in turns or as a seasoned, unified duo!

    November 22, 2016 at 10:09 pm Reply
  • Logan

    Sometimes, it’s okay to let things go and just enjoy your little one a little bit. I’ve done the same thing these last couple weeks, and unfortunately, the mess will be there tomorrow, too. haha

    November 22, 2016 at 11:00 pm Reply
  • Brittany Muddamalle

    I remember feeling this way with my first. I don’t think any mother is ever truly 100% prepared. You sure learn to appreciate your alone time fast!!!

    November 23, 2016 at 1:55 am Reply
    • Rebecca Kelsey Sampson
      Twitter:

      Definitely! And that’s hard to explain too, because people without children may think it’s a negative thing to want that time, when it’s so needed to recharge.

      November 25, 2016 at 8:51 am Reply
  • Tabitha Shakespeare

    Girl I soooo feel you! There are so many posts just sitting in my drafts just hoping that I will get the time one day to finish them!

    November 24, 2016 at 1:26 am Reply
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