In Motherhood, My Journal on
September 30, 2017

I’m Hard-Core Mourning The End of Breastfeeding

1 Year Old and Ready to EAT

Jack Douglas Cortes is now a toddler. Just that sentence makes me want to cry. And to-be-honest, I’ve been crying a lot lately. He’s growing up faster than I could possibly imagine and we’re crossing one milestone after another. Two weeks ago, we reached the end of our nursing phase and I’m taking it a lot harder than I thought I would.

But also I just established that I cry a lot, so maybe it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me that stopping our nursing routine would HURT. A lot.

If you read my last post on breastfeeding, aptly titled Let’s Talk About My Boobs, Jack and I had a tough start to breastfeeding. But once we came to terms with how everything worked, it became a sweet and special bonding time we had together. As he has gotten older and more obligations got in the way, breastfeeding became a strictly night-time routine.

And I really enjoyed it. We would snuggle together in the dark, I’d breastfeed him, and then he’d lay his head on my chest and we’d sleep together.  I remember pushing back his hair and staring at his little sleeping face, just being so happy that he came into our lives.

He grew up in the blink of an eye

So when something came up and I knew I’d be away from my son for a whole week (thank goodness for grandmas help with that), I took it as an opportunity for my milk supply to diminish. I purposely did not pack the pump. But the more I missed Jack, the more I realized how much I’d miss our feeding sessions. So to console myself, I pledged that I would leave it up to Jack if when I came back he wanted to start up again.

The week came and went and I was finally back home – and Jack was over the boob. In fact, he learned how to clap, climb the stairs, sit still in front of the TV, and sleep completely on his own in that one week. It was torturous. I was upset. How could he have grown up WITHOUT ME in ONE WEEK?

Could stopping breastfeeding change my relationship with my baby? I was scared.

And so I cried some more, one and off for an hour. Then I said, it’s for a new adventure. We would find other ways to bound again. In the meantime, I’ll just get to know this new strong toddler that was blossoming before my eyes.

If you are in a similar place as me, here are a few guides you can download from ThirdLove. They help you find the perfect fit for you, which can be a bit tough during the different phases of motherhood. Check out their bras designed for nursing while you’re still in the breastfeeding stage and their entire bra collection for when you stop breastfeeding and need to figure out your new bra size!

Not only do I have to get used to a baby off-the-boob, but now I can wear a proper bra again! At least I have that going for me.

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How are you coping, mommies? Are you considering stopping breastfeeding soon? Have you already stopped breastfeeding?

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6 Comments

  • Lavanda Michelle

    I had my three daughter within 5 years and breastfeeding a special bond I shared with them. It was bitter sweet when I had stopped all together. I understand how you feel.

    October 1, 2017 at 3:08 pm Reply
    • Rebecca Kelsey Sampson

      Did the older kids feel jealous when you breastfeed? It’s something I’m seeing happen to a friend and wonder if it’ll happen to me as well when Jack gets a sibling.

      October 7, 2017 at 10:39 pm Reply
  • Morgan | The Pursuit of Play

    It is a sad thing that definitely deserves to be mourned. It is a feeling that only a mother can understand. However, I think you’ll feel the bond for a lifetime!

    October 1, 2017 at 4:05 pm Reply
  • Annemarie LeBlanc

    I understand how you feel. In my case, I had to wean my kids off breastfeeding because I had to go back to work. I did have the same anxiety. I thought I was being selfish, depriving them of the best nutrition they could ever have. It was only after a talk with their pediatrician and my obstetrician that made me feel better about it.

    October 2, 2017 at 10:58 am Reply
    • Rebecca Kelsey Sampson

      It’s tough no matter how long or the reason, everyone wants to try and do their best for their child.

      October 7, 2017 at 10:37 pm Reply

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